What more is there to say? It’s all in my poem. It was one of those poems that invades your brain like a diatribe when walking furiously trying not to be late – in my case it was for an art class in a charity run centre for outsiders.
Frantically trying to get some therapy and being recommended by a talking therapist for urgent psychotherapy – I had gone round in circles having assessment after assessment. Answering questions like ‘when you say rape – what do you mean?’ and when you say ‘forced – what do you mean?’. ‘When you say you ‘hit yourself’ – a lot of people do that’. (Maybe if I hadn’t been assessed by a nurse then someone in ‘the know’ would have known what I was talking about! I sat there for one and a half hours and literally begged for help!).
I had expected to see a psychotherapist for the consultation as I had already had an hour’s assessment on the phone with a simpleton who thought it was ‘so lovely your mom had 10 kids!’ No it fucking wasn’t! I had just explained the situation in my years of growing up which were traumatic and dysfunctional and my poor mother did not have a great time with all these kids!!
Before I was informed that I had been discharged to GP with recommendation of medication and with a TWO YEAR waiting list they also recommended another charity run centre that charge a fee.
So still waiting for therapy….haven’t thought of suicide this week!
Fishy Scales / Assessment Assassin
On a scale of nought to ten
How likely are you then
To take your own life when…
When? When? When?
Is it likely I will… what was it again?
Nought to ten or one to ten
Am I a one in ten? A number on a list?
Come in No.1 your time is up!
1, 2, 3 times a lady made into the real Slim Shady
Where was I? Oh! On a scale of nought to ten
When? When? When will I do it?
Lemmings do it, Kamikaze Pilot’s do it
So Let’s do it,
4 … more rope to hang myself
What’s gassing worth? No.5 – lovely smell could send me into
6 … sexy six, six, six or
Seventh Heaven! Seven deadly tins of
let’s draw the line
No. 9 sign
Or 10 to 10 to 10 to 10
Cowboy Time! I could shoot myself down
With your gun at my head
Hi Ho Silver! Oh! Silver blade all sharp ‘n’ gleamy
To cut me neck flesh
Glutinous blood streamy… dreamy…
So, on a scale of…