My access needs cost more than the art materials I use, this is difficult and so my art is rarely seen. My experiences of RSD unique to ADHD means I make art to self soothe. After years working in mental health and disability as well studying my own timeline of illness, I have identified that when people are valued, validated and understood then they thrive, but if that voice is found to be too triggering it will be gagged, silenced, shut down. Why? Because we remind people of the system that seeks to remove us, fix us, punish us. Yes, what we say is triggering because we are fighting for equality so we can contribute our much needed skills... we are not searching for pity. We have to live with daily stigma and discrimination, managing barriers often in the form of cruel attitudes and untrue assumptions. At my most ill, I make art from my bed, it becomes my thinking environment, because it is a place where I matter. Surprised at the change in my artmaking -more vivid - confident even - I began paying attention to my RSD and ADHD Mind wandering, and began to make even more prolifically. Suddenly, I felt valued. I've only felt this way once before, within Disability Arts where no topic is too triggering and we feel safe expressing difficult subjects because they are our truth. Before I was chosen for DAO's Viewfinder in 2015, I never thought I'd ever be able to make art due to my impairments despite my art littering my apartment. Due to barriers, I am often prevented from being able to complete projects. RSD is so intense for me, that it takes days to heal from the emotional distress each time I meet barriers or must over-explain my access needs to the point where I fall back into emotional distress because I am made to feel a nuisance. My art, my writing seeks to challenge those assumptions, and celebrate my ADHD and Synaesthete artist brain which continues to make even when rendered non-verbal due to immense fatigue, pain and brain fog.

Posts by Elinor Rowlands