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A SHORT STORY ABOUT A SMALL WORLD – ENCOUNTER WITH TOURETTES HERO

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I was telling this story to someone recently and I realized I hadn’t committed it to paper yet, but about 6 years ago I went to Scotland to visit family with my mum and her best friend. We used Glasgow airport to fly back to London. Once we got on the plane it didn’t take long to notice that two women on the plane had Tourettes Syndrome.

They had a PA with them, who was very good at telling the cabin crew not to ignore Jess and her companion and ask them instead if they wanted anything. These were the days before Touretteshero emerged to save the world, otherwise I would have chatted with her, but as you will see from this story I was otherwise occupied!

There were lots of shouts of ‘Biscuit!’ but things didn’t really get going until the cabin crew did the safety demonstration. Jess and her friend gave an alternative version, which was much better. When the cabin member demonstrated blowing the whistle, one of them piped. “Whistle while you wank, da da da da.” It carried on in the same vein until the cabin crew were laughing so much that they couldn’t finish their safety spiel. If we had crashed, we would have been fucked. Because I can’t whistle AND wank if I am in the middle of the ocean.

My Deaf mum and her friend noticed the cabin crew howling with laughter and wondered what was going on. Now I was brought up to sign in Scottish Sign Language but my mum did not teach me to swear in sign language. So there was a lot of finger spelling of swear words to the point I couldn’t keep up, much to the frustration of my mum and her friend. The landing in London was a bumpy one. One of the Tourettes gang said, “I REALLY FELT THAT IN MY CUNT!”

People laughed, my mum told me to hurry up and tell her what was said. I told her, but then I signed, ‘It’s your fault for not teaching me the sign for ‘cunt’.

She taught me. I use it quite regularly now.

see you next tuesday?

see you next tuesday?

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Joe Turnbull
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Fucking hilarious