I had a work call this evening, it only lasted about 40 minutes , but it took 2 days of planning to get my brain in fit state for me to show up. I needed 20 hours of sleep, 3 cups of coffee, 2 doses of industrial strength painkillers. A complicated equation of food and drink consumed at the exact right times so the energy gained is offsetting the energy lost to digestion.
It’s such a complicated balancing act for me to get my energy levels and pain management right to be on a Zoom call with you. My God, the work that goes into me being present, and coherent and able to even look at a screen. For so much of my life I’ve been ashamed of that, always hyper aware of how much less I have to give because of that process.
Just this one time I’d like to take a minute to be proud of myself, of the demons I slay and the miracles I perform to claim space in this room.