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Blog - Wendy Young

Please don’t think I’m mad

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sillhouette of a man with a mohawk hairstyle

Screaming punk. Image by Halloween licensed under CCA 3.0

Please don’t think I’m mad
That my eyes are staring
it’s just that i want to hear
everything you say
scared of distraction
if i don’t look at you – my mind
wanders – i don’t want you
to think i’m unaware
i value your time
listening – talking
i need to look into your eyes
i know it’s embarrassing – i
don’t know how else to concentrate
my mind goes off to other places
you’re boring me
i’ve always been like this
this wandering is a survival
this wondering is looking out for everyone
this wondering
don’t think I’m too eager ’cause
I’m fixing my eyes – you can’t get away
I’m listening ’cause you are giving to ‘me’
endowing ‘my’ worth
i try hard to please
not worldly wise, not street
I always gave a sigh of relief
when my mate pulled a bloke – didn’t have to put up with me
I knew i was boring – no personality
– Jacky told me
what you don’t know is
i am just a little kid
a negotiating 10 year old
who had to keep the peace
in a madhouse some call ‘home’
lived on my nerves and wits
violence, ‘voices’ – every night
fingers in my ears – listening out for when grown ups
fought, shout.

Please don’t think I’m mad
’cause i can live with rejection
I don’t want you to have a lousy time
I’ll blame myself.

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